if there's nothing here then it's probably mine

Sat, 28 Nov 2009 23:33:26 GMT

what are your favorite falling asleep songs?

Guide to problem solving

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 21:39:09 GMT

Realize there is a problem due to your own inaction.
1. Do everything to fix the problem.
2. Instruct everyone on what to do so the problem doesn’t happen again.
3. Assume that everyone listened and will follow through on their instructions.
4. Realize no one followed through on their instructions, problem is now exacerbated.
5. Ignore problem because you don’t feel like dealing with it.
6. Return to step 1.
See also:

Any great thing coming your way will be accompanied by something absolutely annoying of equal value.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

July 2009 playlist

Fri, 31 Jul 2009 18:37:23 GMT

I'm trying this new thing where I make a new playlist for each month. Songs that remind me of the month, what I listened to, not necessarily music that came out in that month. Because generally I discover music 10 months after it's been cool.

please check this out, my very dear friend made this

Wed, 24 Jun 2009 12:39:51 GMT

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1086864375220

...but to cheer myself and everyone else up

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 23:15:33 GMT

so what, she's crooked!!!

and here she is not crooked and looks a bit cute.

long time no see, lj

Wed, 16 Jul 2008 01:00:30 GMT

hi hi hi, i'm doing really well. i'm done going to renfrew and i am finally embracing recovery. not to sound cheesy. i'm really happy with my partner jay. i love him so much. he's so supportive of everything i'm going through and i'm really starting to feel better. i've been pretty happy lately and i mostly love and enjoy life. the only thing that's bugging me is only having like two friends i actually see, lydia and jay. i miss my old friends like bev. i feel really anxious about social situations now that i don't drink or use drugs. i feel like most of my old friends find that's the only way to be social and interact with one another. this entry will ramble. i knitted and whole entire blanket and i'm superproud of myself. now i'm knitting a pot holder for my aunt. i might visit her in vermont next month, in addition to going to chicago to see my grandparents and my other aunt. i'm excited for a lot, but i'm also really anxious about going back to columbia. i'm afraid the panic attacks will come back and that i won't be able to function. i want to drop out of high school and just get my GED and start doing things i love, not being stuck in a building for 7 hours each day. then when i turn 17 i would like to move to north carolina or oregon or washington and live with jay and kenneth. i feel so much pressure, especially from my dad to take hard classes at CHS and go to college and fit society's description of success. i don't know if i want to go to college. but i have a while to decide. blahhh blah blah

Mon, 28 Apr 2008 01:22:49 GMT

i found out my dad is moving to dunnell road. pretty sweet location, but i'm really gonna miss this house.

Sun, 06 Apr 2008 03:49:02 GMT

i was in a EVERYTHING IS SO IMPORTANT AND MUST BE DONE NOW mood when i started writing this entry and now the feeling has already passed and it sucks because i wanted to do everything

Tue, 12 Feb 2008 21:07:36 GMT

i think the only thing that has kept me going lately is going to san francisco tomorrow. and i get to see kenneth and be his valentine and go to a pillow fight and have a sleepover with him and sit in a hot tub.

this past weekend rocked/sucked/rocked/sucked... but mostly sucked. i do too many stupid impulsive things. and i trust people too easily. and i think people get really really mad at me for things i can't control. it feels weird encountering people you used to be so close with, but have now drifted from. it's hard to avoid these people too because they're close with my friends.

and i got a bitchin cigarette burn on friday. i was asleep on a porch... and it's still huge and gross.

i left school early today because i had to finish my art history essay so i can get into that class. i still haven't finished it, but i will. today was kind of a joke...i didn't do anything all day and 4th period i went to this lecture about black history and egypt and i fell asleep 3 times, mostly because it was poorly presented. i'm going to dinner with bev, nora, lila, grace and maybe other people i think so i can see them before i leave for a week tomorrow. grace and i have gotten mad close lately, we're so mischievious. she makes me lol. the only thing is, whenever we hang out it's just she and i because idk...her group of friends be HATIN. you really can't believe everything you hear.

uhhh my dad just told me he's cancelling his appointment with my doctor tonight because he thinks it's too snowy. bull shit. he seems to mainly serve his own interests.

and on the dating front: i am so confused...i really like this boy but he seems to avoid me, or maybe he just is really busy. he went away for like a month, we didn't talk, but we were really close before he left. it wasn't just lust, total LOVE, maybe. and blahh.

i complain a lot, bye

poo-year

Wed, 02 Jan 2008 01:00:53 GMT

it's january 1st 2008! holy hell! i've been vegan for 2 years and vegetarian for...almost 3. my night was okay, i got shitty, what else is there to do? it was pretty funny thought because i was at my grandparent's house and i had to be drunk on the sly. then i dove into a pool that was 40 degrees and puked three times. also, OLIVES TASTE DISGUSTING. i had to wake up at 4am (still drunk) to take a plane back to new jersey (i was in texas) and that wasn't too fun. i thought i was going to puke again but i didn't.

2007...hmm.... good and bad i guess. there have been hours and minutes that i never wanted to end, and there were days and weeks where i wished everything would end. lows first, then highs because i like to end on a happy note.

lows:

-rehab visits #1 and #2. #1 sucked more.
-passing out in jeff's car
-"detox fasting"
-april through september: hospitals, eating disorders
-losing friends over stupid shit
-getting hurt by friends
-fighting with my parents
-watching my friends throw their lives away with heroin and the like

highs:

-going to london
-seeing penelope in florida
-shows shows shows
-singing songs really loud
-meeting joe
-adopting my dog lucy
-feeling like i have a direction in life, knowing what i want to do
-shenanigans at ella's house over this summer..trying to get high off of nutmeg

and i'm drawing a blank, but over all...this year was really rough but in the end i dealt with things well and i feel like i've learned from what has happened to me.

Thu, 27 Dec 2007 05:51:49 GMT

sometimes i think i'm a hateful and mean person. let me get this out of my system:

i hate people who make high honor roll, they should get a life, fuck school
i hate people who are anal about being vegan, like it's going to kill them to use normal soap and they have to go out of their way to BUY cruelty free shit.
i hate people who get off on eating diet products and foods, live a little assholes, if you don't enjoy yourself now, when will you?
i hate people who talk about how fat they are. save the pity party for yourself.
i hate people who are arrogant and stubborn

there is a lot more, that's coming later

Thu, 22 Nov 2007 17:59:25 GMT

eating disorders are probably the most miserable form of existence, it's the closest to death you can be without being dead. but you might as well be. i can't turn my head without watching somebody go through one. i would never wish an eating disorder upon anyone. i'm not implying i've been through any of this, it's just so upsetting watching people you love suffer, and not knowing how much longer they'll be around.

Tue, 30 Oct 2007 02:58:03 GMT

whoa new icon!
i love girl interrupted.

Sun, 21 Oct 2007 14:36:30 GMT

i got my dog a bee costume for halloween
i dont know why everyone hates her.

i showed my mom a poem i wrote yesterday and she started crying and i felt really guilty even though she liked it. i hate seeing my parents cry. okay, actually just my mom...because my dad can cry as much as he wants. i need to write so many letters to people and let them know i'm doing okay.

I SAW TANNER YESTERDAY which was the happiest part of my weekend so far. and i met some nice kids from croton and i hope griffin isn't jealous that saskia and i really hit it off! also one thing that makes me so angry is when people jokingly say "hahahaha you're vegan for every veggie burger you eat i'm going to eat 5 hamburgers!" they might think it's funny, but when you hear it nearly everyday for 3 years, it's a fucking slap in the face and i have no tolerance for that shit. sometimes i hope that i lose or break my phone so i don't have to talk to anyone which is pretty sad, but today i'm just in a ostrich mood which is where you just stick your head in the earth and hang out by yourself.

golddiggers mine for rocks and sand mostly...

Sat, 21 Jul 2007 06:07:50 GMT

okay....so maybe i shouldn't have read his emails, but maybe he shouldnt be secretly furiously flirtatiously madly in love with some girl from canadialandtownville. COME ON!!! i dont know why i thought he had changed. hmm. same old same old, can't teach an old dog new tricks.
i'm a little anxious because even though seeing choking victim sunday should be fun, jon and claire in the same place = me having a nervous breakdown. i'm gonna try to just have fun with shane and pat because they're the shittttt

also you know what sucks, falling asleep with orbit gum in your mouth because it melts. EWWWY!

i don't really go on livejournal anymore because i've been preoccupied with really senseless shit.

Thu, 12 Jul 2007 03:39:16 GMT

both myself and amy winehouse are bipolar! she's so fascinating. maybe me and her could have a sleepover sometime and giggle and paint eachother's nails and talk about crushes and .... yeah

elliott smith

Sat, 02 Jun 2007 18:14:15 GMT

i just heard of/listened to the new elliott smith album, it's called new moon. so good. i like it a lot because unlike from a basement on the hill, it was released by his old record label and they didn't omit any songs that referenced his step-father abusing him (his family put together from a basement on the hill) yea boi. it's so pretty and soothing and satisfying to listen to, maybe a little bit depressing though but that's okay because i'm in a pretty good mood today.

i saw animal collective tonight. i feel like i was a really big bitch to everyone i went with last night, i guess that's because big groups of people kind of stress me out and make me want to crawl under my bed and a die or something along those lines. animal collective was really good except they didn't have a guitarist so they didn't play grass! thats redunk, isn't it. ohh welll.....i slept a lot today, that was awesome. i'm going to this dance for darfur tonight, hell yea! i want to wear some sparkly shoes and carry a small dog and wear large sunglasses, just for tonight. i also named my rabbit after like 3 weeks of just calling him bunny. his name is bambi! bam bam for short :)

Tue, 29 May 2007 01:49:02 GMT

hey dad! next time you have a conversation with your girlfriend on the phone about me, have the decency make sure i can't hear you okay? fuckyouuuuuuufuckyoufuckyouuuuuuufuckyouuuuuufuckfuckfuckfuckyouuuuu.

sorry, i needed to vent. he's such a douchebag. that wasn't supposed to make me sound like an ungrateful brat.

:[

Mon, 07 May 2007 12:55:49 GMT

my rabbit died. ho hum, that doesn't sound like a big deal right. well, it kind of was because he was the only thing i thought i was doing right, and he died when he was barely a few months old and no one deserves to leave so early and so young. he was probably the best thing i had going and now he's gone. my dad and i are going back to the pet store today, but i don't want to replace him. but i do need something to get me up in the mornings and something to look forward to. i got him a few days after i got out of the hospital, just when i thought i was starting a new part of my life where i'd be able to cope with everything better, but look at me now. i've been in my bed crying all morning.

i have no idea what i did wrong or what was wrong with my bunny, but i'd give ANYTHING to go back and change it or maybe just hold him one more time before he died. i hope he wasn't in pain when he died, i hope it wasn't long and agonizing, i hope he's happier now even though i'm not.

i miss panda.......

i got a bunny, his name is ivy

Mon, 30 Apr 2007 00:17:33 GMT

he's pretty much whats good, and i think having a pet is really good for me and i feel really content with myself because i'm helping taking care of someone else.

Sat, 14 Apr 2007 07:00:30 GMT

so, today was pretty good. i went to a baird show with nicole and ran into albert and noelle, whom i hadn't seen in WAY too long, so they came back to my house with this cute boy greg and we made food. then greg left and the rest of us watched "the pursuit of happiness". it was a sad/good movie and i wanted to cry a lot, but i couldn't. sometimes it's just good to cry.

being on prozac is like ALWAYS having the munchies. something about serotonin and food and happy and blahblah. anyway i've gotten pretty anal about what i eat lately thanks to this medication, which is kind of bailing out on me. i've never been as depressed in my life as i was during most of last week. i don't think i did ANYTHING productive from tuesday to saturday or sunday. mostly i just cried and slept. mind you, i've been taking my medication this whole time. and to top my shitty week off, as soon as i get back to school, one of my two bestest closest friends in my school is treating me like a stranger. and i kinda knew what i did wrong...but it's not my FAULT. and i can't help it. and she needs to get over it or accept it or something like that, i can't really go into detail. if someone's in trouble, they need their friends to be there for them, not disown them. right? that's how i think it should be at least.

tomorrow is the anarchist book fair in washington square at 11 am! i need to wake up early to catch the train. i'm feeling pretty good because i asked most of my teachers what kind of grade i'm looking at for this quarter, and it all sounded good. my goal is to get straight A's. i feel like i kind of need to prove something to myself. i've been applying myself a lot more lately, i think. for instance, i did my math homework all week. i'm starting to really enjoy math. except proofs. those suck.

i'm listening to the mix cd billy made me, appropiately titled genital slurpees. yum. it's good and irish and folky. i've also been going jogging at night with my dog, but my dog is big and doesn't like to run so it's mostly about me dragging him around our block.

i feel there's so much i should be doing, so little time, it's pretty overwhelming or maybe i'm just a teenager and everything is

XXX EMOOOOO xXXXXxxXxXxxxxx....
sike

i dare you not to "AWW" outloud

Wed, 11 Apr 2007 01:35:47 GMT

Sun, 08 Apr 2007 04:00:18 GMT

i'm not sure how i feel about people eating placentas..........

http://www.mothers35plus.co.uk/plac_rec2.htm

someone please read that

Mon, 26 Mar 2007 01:45:59 GMT

Appetizer of Choice: don't know!
Best Friend: Bev, Peeny, Nicole, Gen, Olivia, Julia, Andrew, meggerz,, uhhh a lot more, i know i'm forgetting someone
Choice of Meat: pass!
Dream Date: smashing the state then some vegan food and then spooning and cartoons
Exciting Adventure: Living without a plan
Favorite Food: Japanese.
Greatest Accomplishment: still being alive....
Happiest Day of your life: heh..heh...that day me and this boyyyyy just hung out
Interesting Fact: i am a twin
Kool-Aid: narste
Jeans: hawttopic
Lover: well.... there's a been a few, mostly bev
Marriage: "i believe in love but i think marriage is a sham"
Name: Emma
Obsession: can't think of one
Pizza toppings: no cheese plz
Question Asked to you the most: what's your natural hair color? did that hurt? (referring to one of my piercings)
Radio Station: I don't listen to the radio a lot
Sex: yes please!
Television Show: eff that
Underwear: none currently
Video: uhhh the gay porn andrew gave me
Winter: what about it
X-ray: nope
Year born: 1992
Zodiac sign: saggitarius

Tue, 20 Mar 2007 19:17:54 GMT

i just wanted to say hi and happy spring everybody, it's officially spring at 8:07 pm !